Hong Kong - December 2010

Shout Outs: I want to shout out to my cousin, Lucy. She asked if she could get a shout out that she didn’t have to pay for since she felt she paid for the last one (re: EYS); so, here it is. The truth is, however, you’re getting this shout out because you paid for the last one. So, you indirectly paid for this one, sort of like that lunch you bought me (indirectly on the lunch because you can cash that $7 check I sent you…actually… can you wait for my paycheck to hit?…haha). Well, how’s that for a shout out? I just bored everyone who has no idea what I just wrote (except you, Lucy). Blog readers, such as yourself, may be able to get a shout out just by asking (you most likely have to pay for one, though).

Additional Shout Outs: Agi, who said he’s 100% coming to Hong Kong. We can relive such stories like: “the washer and dryer”, “you’re a vegetarian?!”, and “the phone call.” Hopefully we can add to our funny collection of stories.

Elevators: I’m just going to get this out of the way now. I know this is the third consecutive post where I’ve discussed elevators, escalators, people movers, etc, but I need to mention one more thing. I was in the elevator in my fancy office building when a coworker pressed the wrong floor #. Then he kept pressing it and it magically disappeared! I was like wtf?! (“Translate Espanol, No Way Jose” ~ Kanye) He said there was a floor cancellation trick. I’ve never seen anything like this before and I didn’t know such elevators existed. Genius, really; it was awesome. The only thing not awesome about it is the fact that you can’t trick someone into getting into an elevator that has all the buttons pushed and forcing said person to stop at every floor. Know what I mean? Whatever, it’s all awesome.

MTR/Subway: The people who commute to work via public transportation (myself excluded) are coo coo for cocoa puffs (see the last blog post for a definition). Road rage has its rival. People run…leaving the train. For what? Do they really want to get to work that bad? It’s like a horse race and when the doors open, they’re off. Once they clear the stairs, they walk normally as if they didn’t just have a few wires loose. I could go on about this but I think ya’ll get the point

Clothes: You know why clothes are so cheap here? It’s because everything you eat can permanently stain your clothes. I’ve lost one shirt. Good thing it was just a generic blue work shirt. I thought I lost another one (that I recently purchased) but just like Mariano Rivera, I made the save.

Shaving: I suck at shaving. Mostly I have issues with my sideburns. Anyways… my new place doesn’t have a mirror in front of my sink, it has one in the shower. My first and only time shaving under these conditions resulted in cut…on my thumb. Don’t ask.

People Watching: I love people watching. One day I was waiting to meet some friends for a drink so, naturally, I started to people watch. I saw these two people. They looked like coworkers. They looked like they just got off work. They may have been drunk. They started to mess around some but stopped before a friend returned. I wonder what their story was. My friend shows up and says we should grab a drink (originally we were going to just get dinner). It turns out he knew the people I was people watching. I had a semi-serious conversation with the girl before she told me she had to take the pickle out of her drink because she didn’t like it in her mouth (there was a pickle or cucumber in her drink). She said it so seriously and then I was like, “Did you really just say that?” The other dude? He was trashed and kept buying me and my friends (yeah, more friends showed up) drinks. When he left for a minute, some other dude ordered two rounds on his card. At some point my friend and I saw those dudes in an argument, so we decided to…uhh…disappear. Haha. We attempted to say bye first but they didn’t hear us. We randomly bumped into one of the dudes later but he was still smashed, so it was all good.

Theory of Relativity: I’m not sure if the following quotes are legit but they were online (Urban Dictionary), so it works for me:

"Put your hand on a hot stove for two seconds and it seems like two hours. Sit with a beautiful girl for two hours and it seems like two minutes. That's relativity." - Albert Einstein

"When a girl says she needs two minutes to get ready, that's the same thing as when a guy says there's two minutes left in the football game. That's relativity." - Johnny Damon

I was on the mtr one day and this girl with massive tatties (Thanks Aziz) sat down next to me. She was more than happy to show em off. I saw em and that’s it. There wasn’t much I could because she sat down next to me and it’s not like I was going to do anything (or was I?). So, all I could was look around (everywhere but there). This one dude gets on the train and stands right in front of us. This dude shouldn’t play poker because while I did everything in my power not to look at them, all he did was look at them. Now, why did I bring up relativity? Well, the girls here, relatively speaking, lack those kinds of curves. Now this girl would have still done well, relatively speaking, in the U.S. too. She makes Anne Volz (aka Captain Cleave) look like an A cup (haha). Anyways, the dude was tripping. He was sweating buckets as if he just ate buffalo wings. If he’s jones’n so badly he should just go to Wan Chai.

Self Disclosure: Do people self disclose too much or not enough? Well, I’ve met a few people who have no qualms about what they share (and I ain’t saying it’s a good thing or a bad thing…I’m just saying…)

Case 1 – Drinks at a bar

Person 1: Is that my drink?

Person 2: No, I’m drinking diet

Person 1: It looks like cranberry

Me (to Person 2): Well, you’d be able to taste the difference

Person 1: Well, I’m stoned, so it al tastes the same to me

Me: Oh, that’s awesome.

Case 2 – Drinks at a friend’s apartment (on the rooftop)

Me (talking to someone I just met and had been talking to for bit): What’s that?

New Girl: It’s a box for my cigars

Me: You smoke cigars? (I was puzzled. Plenty of people smoke cigarettes recreationally but cigars? Also, I think of smoking cigars as a guy thing. I can’t think of any women I know who smoke cigars…for any reason… we’ll leave the dirty jokes and Uncle Koolaid out of this for now… [and please don’t ask me about my Uncle Koolaid…])

New Girl: Yeah. I only smoke cigars…and pot

New Girl: I have a drug test for work. Good think my dealer isn’t in town, because I would have gotten some coke.

We went on to discuss the drug test. We discussed ways she might be able to pass the test. I wonder how it went.

Later on that night…

Me: I need to hit the ATM before we go to DI

New Girl: I can loan you some money

Me: Do I have to pay you back in cash? (This can be interpreted in a # of ways)

Flirting: Person 1 (see above) told me that when locals tell you to take care, take rest, or to dress warmly that it’s a form of flirting. I don’t buy it but if it’s true, I have a lot of guys and girls of all ages flirting with me on a daily basis.

Random: I went to this secret bar with some friends. The bar doesn’t even have a name. This one guy knew about it and took us there. It was hidden within the wet markets. Pizza Hut is considered fine dining; I think once upon a time it was fine dining in the U.S., too. One time I walked up these stairs to get to a road but it dead ended at a wall; so, I hopped the wall. I measured a piece of paper in my office and it wasn’t 8.5X11 like it should have been. You guys ever see that bit with Jimmy Fallon and JT rapping? Well, one rap they do is Missy Elliot. It was stuck in my head; so, when Manu (PST) asked me what time it was in HK I wrote: “Is it worth it, let me work it, you take your time add four hours and, reverse it.” I thought it was funny. I think he did too.

Holiday Party: Karaoke + Buffet + Alcohol = Good Times. I was the designated walker/thinker, so I didn’t drink too much. Plus, it was a school night (work night). As well documented, I’ve lost weight this year but at least two of my coworkers were surprised with how much food I was able to consume. I guess I’m American after all. This one Senior VP is a Jewish dude from Staten Island (and one of the two coworkers mentioned above). He’s lived in HK for a while now. He can speak…and sing perfect Cantonese. He can even read a bit. Amazing. The party even included Johnny Walker but I passed; there’s no way I would have “kept walking” had I started pounding Johnny (wait, that doesn’t sound right… I could add to this joke but I won’t). I did get the hot hand in a dice game against one of my coworkers but I was the one who kept sipping beer win or lose and that’s not how it’s suppose to work.

Trips: I’m going to Vietnam today.

2010 Awards: I thought about handing out 2010 Awards. You know…nominations…winners…etc. F--k it.

Lastly: This one dude that I’m cool with at work was sick. Before leaving the office, he put his hand out. I shook it knowing damn well he was sick and that I wouldn’t get to immediately wash my hands. Thanks to my impressive mind over matter skills, I didn’t get sick. I haven’t had a poll in a while, so my new poll wonders what ya’ll would do in the same situation.

Happy Holidays and New Year!

Game…Blouses…

Hong Kong - November 2010

EYS Shout Outs/Thanks: I want to thank (in alphabetical order by first name) Agi, Amy, Analisa, Anita, Ann, Anthony, Brandon, Christian, Christine, Dave, Gill, Hans, Hormis, Jacob, James, Jen, Joe, Joe, Joseph, Kurt, Lucy, Manu, Maribel, Marina, Natalie, Nathalie, Norm, Sashee, Saugat, Sovy, Staci, Swapna, Terry, Todd, Tony, Tonya, Vanessa, and Veronica for supporting me and Eat Your Serial via Kick Starter. We reached our goal and I have great hopes for this project. Regardless of Eat Your Serial's future, I will not forget this amazing support from all of you....that's a promise. The Eat Your Serial fun is just getting started and I hope you all enjoy the ride! Thanks again!

Additional EYS Shout Outs/Thanks: Congratulations to Ameet, who passed the bar exam and he helped me with some EYS legal questions. Thanks to Nazgol who helped me with some other EYS business related functions too.

Non-EYS Shout Outs: Todd Butler, who allegedly is coming to visit me in Hong Kong. He produced this e-mail that appears to be an itinerary from late Dec to early January. I guess it’s legitimate but I won’t believe it until I actually see him here.

Honorable Mentions: I still don’t know who you are, nevershake.

My apologies: I don’t believe this post will be as good as my last post, which was a fan favorite. It’s tough to have something interesting to write and/or share all the time. Fortunately, however, this post will likely be one of my shortest (in length).

Temperature/Humidity Update: Since my last post, the weather has greatly improved. There have been some really awesome days.

Haircut Update: Since my last post, I have had two more haircuts. Haircut # 2 was worse than haircut # 1. It just so happened I got the same guy twice. So, I decided to come in on his off day for haircut # 3, which was awesome. I need to make sure to go back to haircut # 3 guy. I guess this really does prove the theory that “third times the charm”

Reverse Fetch: Before I went in for my haircut, this western looking woman was throwing a ball to her big dog. At one point, she made a bad throw and the ball started rolling away from her down this slope. So, she went running after it while the dog decided to take a seat and wait for her to come back. I found this hilarious because it certainly looked like a game of reverse fetch.

Weight update: Since I knocked my weight in my last update, I’m going to pat myself on the back in this update. No, I haven’t gained any weight back, but I have been lifting twice a week and my abs have never looked better. I’m cut and it’s not because of haircut guy # 1/2.

Basketball: I’ve played basketball a few times here and all I’ll say is that I like playing defense and going for rebounds a lot more here than I do in the U.S. Perhaps I am on my way to an all around game.

Elevators: The elevators in my office building are super inefficient. Some of that is the elevator’s fault and some of that is the building owner’s fault for putting way more tenants in our bank of elevators than other banks. Someone should sell some elevator work here….but who…. ???

*** side note (#1): Inefficient is different than slow. Usually when one refers to an elevator as slow, one really means inefficient. ***

Work: One of my coworker’s asked me if I can get more tan than I already am. Yes, I can get darker. Haha. In other news, I’ll need to start looking for my next job back in the U.S. soon. I think I already have some ideas about what sort of work I’m interested in, which company I want to work for, where, etc.

Food: I don’t think I’ve mentioned this before but sometimes when I go out to eat, some of my coworkers will clean their chopsticks and plates and whatever with the hot water that’s on the table (the hot water is for tea or drinking or something). I thought this might have been a Feng Shui thing but I guess it turns out they do it just to make sure the chopsticks, plates, etc, that we’re using are clean. Also, you get one napkin with your meal. Usually my coworkers bring their own napkins/tissues in case they need more than the one provided. Oh yeah, and the milk here must have sugar in it or something. It definitely tastes sweet. I think I probably would have consumed more milk growing up, which would have made Mom happy, had it been loaded with sugar. Haha. Ok, one more thing about food (I think/hope). When you order take out, you pay but you don’t always get a receipt. I’m wondering how do they know who ordered what or whatever and if I paid when it’s time to get my food; I guess there is a method to the madness but it is definitely different than what I’m used to.

Daylights Savings: There is no daylights savings here and it pisses me off because I missed the “fall back” switch. I’ll probably get back to the U.S. in time for the “spring forward” one. That would mean I would experience two “spring forwards” without a “fall back.” That’s like experiencing “two spring forwards” without a “fall back.” There’s no other way to complete that analogy because that’s the worst possible thing that could happen!

p.s. I’m being sarcastic…sort of

Cops: So, went to Kennedy Town to meet some friends for dinner. It was the first time I was in Kennedy Town and I was a bit lost. I saw some cops check the IDs of some kids but I ignored it. Later on, while I was still lost, and on the phone with my friend trying to find his place, I was stopped by the cops (whilst on the phone). So, I get off the phone and they ask me for ID. I didn’t have my passport on me because I was told I shouldn’t carry my passport because I could probably lose it and that I wouldn’t need to show it to anybody. Well, these cops wanted to see it. Since I didn’t have it, they decided to ask a bunch of random questions and do a random check. They went through my wallet and, for some reason, they did not find it odd that I had two different IDs on me (one NY and one CA). I was a carrying a plastic bag with some red bull cans because the guys asked me to pick some up. The cops asked me where I got it from, how much I paid, and if I had a receipt. Why did they ask me these questions? I have no idea. So, the whole experience was weird, random, and it was quite the head scratcher. The best part about it was they were able to help me find my friend’s place. Haha.

Random: While taking a break outside my office one day, I sat down at a park bench to relax for a few minutes and enjoy the weather. While I was sitting there, this random Muslim dude comes up to me, shakes my hand, and says something in a foreign language. So, I said, “What?” He says something in a foreign language again and I say, “What?” Then he says in English, “Where are you from?” I said, “America, bitch!” Wait. That’s not what I said. I said, “From the U.S.” and then I was like, I work there (pointing to my building) and I was like, gotta go..bye. That…was…random.

Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs: That’s exactly what my former landlady was, is, and may always be. The urban dictionary describes Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs as follows:

a strictly medical term, used to describe a patient or person that has delved into a realm of irrational, illogical and/or crazy thought processes; Affected with madness; insane to an exceeding degree characterized by weakness or feebleness; decrepit; broken; falling to decay; shaky; unsafe; foolish

See that guy trying to put that square peg into that round hole? I think he's gone coo coo for cocoa puffs!

Now, this is a long story; so, I’ll save it for those who are interested. This woman is a bad combination of annoying, shady, stupid, and selfish. I moved out and broke even. Maybe I even made out better than even but my new place costs more, so overall I’m paying more for my own sanity. I told the agent, who wasn’t a half bad dude, that I was going back to the U.S. All she had was my phone #, so she can’t track me down if she’s mad that I disappeared like the Baltimore Colts in the middle of the night. Actually, I think she wanted to drive my roommate and me out since she kept proposing the idea about us moving out if we were unhappy. My guess is that she had someone willing to pay more. Anyway, it’s a long story, as previously mentioned, and I hope if I’m going to compare my Hong Kong experience to a cereal slogan again, that it has something to do with Lucky Charms.

Dropping Sh!t: The people that lived above me in the old place would drop shit….all the time. It sounded like they had a box off a million paper clips and they would just turn it over and drop it on the floor. Sometimes it was one at a time and sometimes it was a million. I think I’ve learned what Chinese torture is all about.

New Place: I swear I hear people dropping paper clips here, too, but maybe the sounds are in my head (Who’s coo coo for cocoa puffs now?). The place I live has everything included except laundry. I have a landline, internet, unlimited use of water and electricity, etc. Some of the rooms are grouped next to each other and it almost has the feel of a college residence hall (I was taught at SU not to call it a dorm).

People: I’ve clearly shared some bad stories about HK but it’s not all bad. I’ve met some cool people here. I dropped a 20 in the HK MTR station one time and 3 people made sure I got it back. One person just stood over it (I’m not sure why he didn’t pick it up) and two people made sure I went back for it. Now a 20 is about 3 USD but it was still nice. I decided to give the money back to HK by spending it on breakfast and giving the rest to random people asking for money. I have a solid group of friends here, too. I had a nice turn out for my birthday earlier this month and I even got to have some Thanksgiving Turkey at a friend’s party.

Trips: I’m starting to plan and think about mini trips and my post HK trip. I’m not sure if Seoul is still in the cards but I hope to see Shanghai (again), Vietnam, and Thailand. If I don’t go to Seoul, I’d like to add another location.

Halftime (basically): I left CA about 3 months ago and I have about 3.5 months until my return to the U.S. Here’s hoping I finish the second half strong!